


Daydreams of Honey Hues

by PikaChiminie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Don't be alarmed that Levi is a cat, F/F, He's only in the second chapter briefly, as to be expected, yumikuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 08:14:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11436792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PikaChiminie/pseuds/PikaChiminie
Summary: Christa works as a barista, struggling to maintain some stability in her life. After observing the same couple for months, she watches as their relationship gradually falls apart. Although the slightest bit smitten with one of the women, she never expected to see her again after the supposed break-up. Then, seemingly out of the blue, the situation shifts.





	1. Daydreams of Honey Hues

I’ve been observing the world around me since I was a kid. Maybe it’s a learned survival mechanism. If I pick up on the small things, the physical gestures and shifting expressions, I know how to react. I can be prepared to avoid any sort of conflict.

I grew up in an unstable home; a past that I’d rather not get into. But I survived nonetheless, and was out on my own by the age of seventeen. I can’t quite imagine it playing out any other way.

I used to go through jobs quickly. Some people can’t deal with girls who keep quiet. In an extroverted world, my survival tactics are seen as cold and evasive. However, I’ve been at the same coffee shop for a little under a year now. In my twenty-two years of life, this is the most stable I’ve felt. My apartment’s just a few blocks away and at times it all feels too convenient.

My doubts aside, I’d been watching a reoccurring couple for months on end. They first showed up on a rainy afternoon. I find it odd how detailed this recollection is. The brunette came in without an umbrella, the chime of the door followed by squeaking footsteps. Her short hair and dark jacket were nearly soaked. I stared at her lean form for almost a minute before she eventually looked back. I can easily recall the heat rising up my neck.

 Upon further observation, I mentally noted many things. Firstly, I thought the smaller girl worked nearby, because her girlfriend always got here first. Secondly, the girlfriend, the brunette I gawked at on that initial day, must’ve had a relatively set schedule. She arrived at the same time every instance, with only a margin of error of three minutes. Trust me, I’ve counted. She ordered the same drinks for the both of them, flirting in an almost polite manner with me at the register. I tried not to consider it as any more than playful banter. She would then wait out the next five to ten minutes by the window.

In the beginning she had this subtle glow about her, like the domestic simplicity of the situation made her feel at ease. She had soft eyes, like melting honey. I often stared at her too long on off days, spacing out as I got lost in her expectant gaze. Of course, she would just be waiting for her usual change and receipt.

When her girlfriend got here, they’d embrace for a few moments. Oh, right; thirdly, they must have not lived together. And then they would settle in, talking for an hour on average. I found myself envying their quaint conversation and easy company. They appeared so naturally engaged; both invested and comfortable.

I can never get girls to stick like that. I guess I have a tendency to scare people off, if given enough time. Although mostly, they’re simply intimidated from the start, and avoid me altogether. I’ve been told, in not such a polite manner, that my resting expression is nothing short of bitchy. _Someday_ , I like to think, _I’ll find a girl who wants to stay. Maybe she’ll be half as warm as the freckled woman by the window._

And then I’d have to remember that fantasies are merely fantasies. My reality is not so pleasant, and I couldn’t expect it to drift so drastically anytime soon.

Yet my hope held on by a string as thin as a spider’s web. I’d daydream and zone out and even look forward to the days they were here. The days _she_ was here.

It didn’t take long, with my uncharacteristic pleasantness and forlorn comments, for me to learn her name. You’d think we’d write the names on the coffee cups, but the store had a rigid system of assigning each drink a number. I know. Strange.

But I remember the simplicity of her tone, the tiny upturn of her lips, when she told me. “Ymir.” I wanted to say it too, however I still had some ounce of resistance left and opted for a normal response. I think I said something like, “How unique. Is it weird to say it suits you?” She laughed lowly. I remember that for certain.

Her girlfriend’s name was Annie. That one I picked up on my own. You’d think it wouldn’t have been so difficult, but Ymir constantly called her “shortie” or “blondie” rather than her actual name. Although I will admit that the nicknames were cute. Annie didn’t seem to mind either, their love-struck conversations continuing nonetheless.

It must have been five or six months that this continued for. My small glances, Ymir’s easy laughs, and Annie’s cool responses. Every few days, the same routine. And Ymir, that girl with the captivating honey eyes started to remember my name, engaging in joking discussions ever so often. She didn’t find my withheld demeanor frightening. I was beginning to grow accustomed to it.

Then, as the weeks waned on, that glow in her cheeks gradually faded. They stopped hugging when they met, and the smaller woman’s eyes would wander. They looked tired. Annie’s exhaustion appeared more physical. Maybe work was stressing her out. A family issue, perhaps? I didn’t know enough about her to properly guess. The taller woman’s issue seemed to go deeper though. She held herself in a sluggish manner, and her bright demeanor disappeared. I’d be tempted to say a piece of her was dying ever so slowly.

And then, the visits simply stopped. I waited a week before drawing any conclusions. It threw me off at first, then I remembered that the change really wasn’t so sudden. I’d been witnessing their relationship falling apart for at least a month now. I couldn’t comprehend what went wrong.

As two more months crawled by, I didn’t think I’d miss Ymir this much. She’d just been a regular customer. Something that grew familiar that I unwillingly grasped onto. I never meant to get attached.

And then the holidays came around, the loneliest time of year. I took long walks in the city during the evenings, a small distraction from the everyday. I adored the lights. It was a display straight out of my early childhood. I wonder if it was an odd sight though, a young girl walking alone, focusing only on the lit window panes and outdoor displays. I know the couples never paid me any heed. They were so caught up in their task of Christmas shopping.

But one night, I saw her, breath fogging in front of her face. She was bundled up in a jacket, expression solemn and spine rigid. There were others beside her, seemingly unaware of her tired composure. They were laughing, flushed and appearing a bit tipsy. A social outing, I guess.

I didn’t realize I’d been staring from a couple yards away until the group split, everyone aside from the freckled woman leaving in the opposite direction. She shot them a weak smile as they departed, and gave one last, long glance at the glowing building before us.

“Christa” she stated promptly, gaze sliding over to meet mine. I instantly grew red. She shifted her body slowly to face me. “How coincidental seeing you out here,” she briefly looked down at her phone screen, “And at this hour too.”

“Had a bit of shopping to do” I quickly tried to explain. Her eyes met my empty hands, and I resisted hitting my stupid self. Of course, that was the one sane explanation I could conjure.

“Uh huh” she replied simply. A group of loud men strolled by, and her shoulders tensed at the obtrusive noise. Her eyes were narrowed and lips drawn tight. “Live nearby?” She asked casually.

I gaped for a second, then nodded. “Great. I’ll drive you home. Got any other destinations on the way?”

“No” I said simply, having no desire to disagree with her sudden plan of action. I moved to stand beside her, and she led me toward a parking lot a block away. In my defense, I rarely followed near strangers to their cars. Only on dates and work-related outings, alright? And honestly, it didn’t look like she even had the energy to try anything. Her eyes were heavy lidded, lips permanently downcast, and skin much paler than usual.

So I entered her car, quickly situating myself in the passenger seat and gearing up for a semi-awkward ride home. And oh dear, was it uncomfortable. She asked me how work was going, if the shop was busy during the holiday season, what my holiday plans were. Typical stuff. She sounded so blandly disinterested that I debated whether I should bother answering. It was quite a confusing sign; she took the time and effort to help me home late at night, yet gave zero shits about what had been happening since I’d last seen her.

Getting just the slightest bit fed up by the time we arrived in front of my apartment complex, I unbuckled and turned to her. I bit my lip for a second, half of me wanting to simply keep my mouth shut and leave, then try to forget the night even occurred. Of course, my slightly angered curiosity got the better of me that evening.

“Ymir” I said in a hesitant voice. _Ah, it’s been awhile since I uttered that name_. “You stopped coming by for coffee.”

Her eyes finally left the idle steering wheel as she looked at me with an expression so much more lively than I’d witnessed in a long time. Then she blinked, reality sinking back into her brain, and she smiled in a manner that I interpreted as cynicism. “So you noticed” she answered in a slightly humored tone. “I’m actually surprised you remember me at all.”

“Are you kidding me? I used to see you three times a week” I argued, unconsciously smiling at her real response.

She began picking at a loose thread on her coat, expression contemplative. “Well, stuff happened, you could say” was her abrupt reply to the previous inquiry.

 _No shit._ “Oh” I uttered instead. “Is, uh… Is Annie doing okay?” I asked quietly. Was it wrong to want to confirm my suspicions?

“I wouldn’t know” Ymir said honestly. The sky was clouded outside, the temperature of the car bordering on cold, and yet my heart thundered on rather than freezing over. “Haven’t talked to her in a while. Y’know,” she paused, rethinking her next statement, “I’m kind of sorry I just stopped coming by.”

“Why?” I asked with a nervous laugh. “It’s not like you had an obligation to visit me.”

She hummed, the corner of her mouth lifting in a half-smile. I wanted her to look at me. I wanted to see her honey-hued eyes. Her gaze remained fixated on that loose thread, however. “Yeah, but I liked our little conversations. I just couldn’t go back after…” She stopped. I swear I could see the gears in her head shifting as she debated whether she should actually say it. Then she exhaled very slowly, and continued. “We broke up. It’s like, I started to hate everything that I associated with her… and I didn’t mean to cut out that pleasant part of the past as well.”

I didn’t want to tell her how she should’ve handled the situation. I could already tell that it’d shaken her up quite a bit. But again, I apparently couldn’t help myself. “Then just don’t think of it like that.” I shut my mouth and frowned. “Okay, wait. That was a stupid way of phrasing it. More like, try to associate it with the good rather than the bad? It always seemed more of your getaway than hers.” I rubbed my pale and nearly numb hands together. “From my perspective, at least.”

 _Y_ _’know, this is why people think you’re a bitch. You poke your nose into what you shouldn’t. And you sound so apathetic about it too,_ my mind immediately criticized. Yet, glancing over at Ymir, she didn’t appear bothered by my words. Somewhat surprised? Yes. Offended? Strangely, no.

"Huh” she merely replied. Then, quite shockingly, she huffed out a brief laugh. “You’re right.” Her chest heaved with a few more silent chuckles, face now buried between her two hands. “God, now I feel even worse” she eventually added, sounding out of breath.

“Don’t” I swiftly interjected. “I get it. And it sucks that things have been so rough for you. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you used to look so much happier.” The words spilled out of me like a landslide. I was nervous, yet excited. Should I be excited?

She uncovered her face, and steadily held my gaze. “You really were observant.” I shrugged, not entirely embarrassed over it. “Now that I think about it, you used to stare with those cute flushed cheeks. Now I’m wondering how I forgot about that.” My heartbeat hammered within my ribcage. I was genuinely afraid the organ was going to burst out. _She called me cute. I mean, she’d totally noticed the staring, but she called me cute._

“Yeah. Sorry… I sorta had a huge crush on you” I admitted, realizing there was no turning back now.

“I don’t think you can ‘sorta have a huge crush.’ It’s a bit contradictory” she commented, thoroughly amused. At least she wasn’t annoyed or put off by my confession.

I gaped, wanting to say something witty, perhaps even charming. Instead, I sat still with balled fists in my lap, skin pink with a raging blush as I felt the full weight of her gaze. Her eyes travelled down to my parted lips, frozen on a phrase I couldn’t conjure. Then she looked back up at my semi-concerned, semi-joyful eyes. “I probably shouldn’t be teasing you” she stated quietly.

I shook my head, attempting to express that it was fine. I could handle teasing. In fact, it was one of the things that I really enjoyed about her. And yet, there were still no words on my lips. Then I knew, just an instant later, if I let this mutual silence drag on, the conversation would end altogether. It’d be over. I’d go inside and she’d leave and I’d probably never see her again. So I acted fast, probably on instinct.

“Do you want to come inside for a bit?” I blurted.

She appeared quite taken aback by my sudden loud tone for a few moments, then glanced down at her lit dashboard. She grabbed the key and shut the car off, finally meeting my eyes once again. “Sure.”

* * *

“No roommate?” Ymir inquired as I flicked on the lights. She wandered toward the open front room to sit on the single sofa. At the back of the space was my small kitchen, divided from the living area by a single counter. On the adjacent wall was the door to my bedroom.

“You choose very suspicious questions” I commented, quickly throwing my coat on my bed before moving toward the kitchen to make a hot drink.

“Oh, sorry. I swear I’m not a rapist.”

“But would a rapist really admit that they had disgusting intentions?” I questioned back, lighting a burner on the stove.

“You have a fair point” she conceded, eyes still inspecting the entirety of my living space.

“Do you like tea?” I prompted, setting the kettle to heat. I rifled around the cupboard, hoping that there were some clean mugs left. Luck was on my side this evening.

“Yeah” she replied simply, flipping through a book I left on the side table. She definitely wasn’t shy; I’ll give her that. “Where the hell do you find lesbian novels?” She asked, taking the time to read the summary.

“Takes a lot of internet searching and rifling through reviews, but the material’s out there. Shocking, I know.” After setting up the tea bags, I leaned against the counter and merely watched her. What a familiar position. “You don’t strike me as the type of person that reads very often, though” I added.

She glanced over and lifted an inquiring brow. “You’re confident” I began to explain, feeling suddenly anxious as the focus of her attention. “Confident people go out and have social lives. They don’t have to resort to fiction like I do.”

“Hm” she replied simply, and set the book back. Ymir rose from the sofa in one fluid motion and calmly made her way to the dividing countertop. She leaned her elbows on the smooth surface, and met my captivated eyes. “I guess that’s fair. I haven’t done much reading since my university days.”

I laughed lightly as the water continued to boil. “You say that like it was so long ago.”

She was quiet for a longer period than I was expecting. “It sort of was” she responded. A smile crept its way onto her lips as an expression of confusion contorted my features. “Christa, how old do you think I am?” She asked in a low tone.

I blinked a couple of times before answering. “Somewhere near my age? Early twenties?”

Her head fell forward as her shoulders began to shake with laughter. I quite plainly didn’t get the joke. She couldn’t be that much older. She really didn’t have any wrinkles, appeared relatively fit, and wore clothes a young adult would. I mean, I suppose she had one of those faces that give you a five-year range.

“Are you going to tell me what’s so funny? Or do I need to guess that as well?” I eventually prompted. The kettle started whistling in the background. Her chuckling continued, so I merely rolled my eyes and turned to shut off the burner.

Once I’d moved back to my previous position, her shaking had let up and her breathing began to even out. “God, you’re wonderful” she said in a genuine voice. I gaped for a little while, then remembered to shut my mouth like a normal human. “Sweetheart” she then finally explained, “I’m thirty-one. Thirty-two in a couple of months.”

“What?” I enunciated in a higher than usual pitch. “ _How?_ ”

That amused grin wouldn’t leave her face, and it only widened at my follow-up question. “I’m flattered, truly. I knew I had great skin, but damn, I must be next-level hot.”

“You must be kidding” I groaned out, running a hand through my hair. “I cannot be pining after a woman nearly a decade older than me.”

“There’s a first time for everything” Ymir commented simply. Then she backtracked a bit, thinking over my previous statement. “Pining?” She echoed slyly.

Now it was my turn to laugh, although this time it was in a short and dry manner. I took a couple steps away from the counter and Ymir, pouring the hot water into the mugs. Choosing not to respond, I merely asked “Honey or sugar?”

“Honey, please” she responded. I could feel her watching me as I opened another cupboard. After retrieving the bear-shaped container, I opened it over one of the cups and focused on the slowly dripping liquid. Was it getting hotter in here, or was it just the steam from the tea?

I nearly gasped upon turning back around. Ymir had silently moved around the counter, and was leaning against the same surface from inside the kitchen. Just a few feet away from me. “Dammit. Warn me before you sneak up like that” I muttered, grabbing her mug and cautiously handing it over. She accepted it gratefully and blew on the top a few times.

“You just drink it plain?” She asked.

I nodded. “I’m not really into sweet things.”

“Let me guess, you drink your coffee black.”

“Ha” I exclaimed. “Wrong. I don’t drink coffee.”

She raised her brows in an inquiring manner. “And yet you’re a barista?”

I shrugged. “Seemed like a simple enough job when I was applying.”

She took the first few tentative sips of her tea, maintaining a fairly neutral expression while I simply held my own warm mug between my palms. It was odd, being the focus of those gentle eyes. Being the one across from the freckled girl with a radiant smile. I felt like a bit of her old glow was returning in those minutes we’d spent conversing. Maybe I was just naïve. A hopeful young girl relying too heavily on her fantasies. But there was something about today that felt different from the others I’d spent with her.

“You’re staring” Ymir commented in a relaxed tone.

I blinked blankly, and almost apologized, until I noticed how thoroughly unbothered she was by it. “I’m assuming you see this as another form of flattery?”

The corner of her mouth quirked up around the rim of the mug, no words required to confirm my suspicion. “I’m tempted to say you’re unbearable” I stated with a small smile on my lips, “But I honestly don’t mind. You… I don’t mind you.”

She moved the cup away from her lips, then lowered it altogether. She looked like she was at a loss for words, a stricken expression marring her face as if a massive realization dawned on her. I started talking before I could think it through. “God, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be saying stupid flirty things like that. You went through a breakup not long ago, and clearly it hurt. I don’t want to open old wounds or put you in an awkward position. I’m just… Sorry.”

She placed her mug on the countertop and shook her head, that incomprehensible expression morphing into one of mild concern. “No. It’s fine. I’m a grown woman, sweetheart. I’ve come to terms with my shit. I’m _fine_ ” she firmly assured.

“Okay” I said hesitantly. I worried my lip for a few seconds, wanting to say something but scared that I was seeing the moment in an incorrect light. “W-when I said I used to have a huge crush on you-”

“ _Sorta_ had a huge crush” she coyly interrupted.

I sighed overdramatically. “Right.” _And that’s how you ruin a slightly romantic mood,_ I thought, now somewhat downtrodden. But then I met her expectant expression, prompting me to continue anyway. Surprised, I glanced down at my tea, and back up. _Oh shit, I’m actually doing this_.

So I took a deep breath and continued. “I was lying when I suggested that the crush was something of the past. I didn’t expect to see you again, and that idea really sucked. But now that you’re here and acting so irritatingly charming, I’m reminded of how much I like you. I didn’t want to act on it but, of all things holy and gay, I _really_ like you.” Did that come out too fast? Surely my nervousness was evident. Of course, all of my thoughts and doubts flew straight out of my mind as soon as she spoke.

“Obviously” Ymir stated easily, taking a small step closer. “You’re pretty bad at hiding how you feel” she said, followed by a low chuckle.

I had no words, to explain simply. She was closer than ever before, and I didn’t know how to deal with the proximity. I could practically count her freckles from this new distance. And her eyes, oh damn, those gorgeous irises were focused solely on me, trying to interpret my expression, gauge my reaction.

“I’m teasing you again, aren’t I?” She whispered after our long pause. My lashes fluttered unwilling as she leaned in further. “My apologies.”

I took a sharp intake of air, anticipating what came next. Ymir closed the small remaining distance. All too soon her lips were on mine, and it felt like fireworks went off in my chest. I experienced an unbearable elation. After all the daydreams and forlorn waiting, the result was so much more than I could have expected.

Her right hand quickly found its way to the back of my neck, gently holding me steady as we slowly kissed. I tried my best to take it all in, the sensation of her full lips, the heat of her skin, the comfort of the action in its entirety. I wanted her, I wanted more, and I wanted it all now. But the fuzzy feeling in my limbs at the soft manner of our kiss was too wonderful to disrupt. What came next, the hunger, passion, and impatience, could wait. Right now though, I felt light. I felt complete.

I smiled against Ymir’s lips. She backed away an inch. I glanced up at with her the most joyful expression I think I’ve ever held, then kissed her again. She tasted like green tea and honey.


	2. Evening Whispers and a Snow Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christa and Ymir, who are finally dating, face a snowy obstacle during their first holiday together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was initially written around Christmas time, hence the theme. Here's more kisses, and less angst.

It was late morning, almost eleven according to the clock on my phone, by the time I woke up. It took a couple seconds for me to remember that it was Christmas, the festivities in other households surely well under way by this point. I’d actually been invited to a holiday dinner by one of my coworkers, since I clearly didn’t have any family to spend the day with. Yet I’d politely declined, stating that I wouldn’t be entirely alone.

I slid the phone under my pillow and out of the way. The room was quite cold, so I shifted to the left and snuggled into the body beside me. I put a hand on her toned abdomen, and rested my head on her shoulder. Her skin was so warm, and she breathed deeply. Ymir was seemingly still asleep.

She didn’t get many days off in the year, or I suppose it was more like she was addicted to working. She was a clinical psychologist, and having been in the business for awhile now, could have as flexible of a schedule as she wanted. Yet, she had appointments most days, and on the occasional day off, seemed to enjoy sleeping in. Just last week, the woman slept until two in the afternoon.

_I could wake her now,_ I pondered, _or I could shower first_. Then again, the bathroom seemed so far away. The heater in my apartment hadn’t been working properly for at least a week at this point, making the temperature unusually cold. I tried to schedule a repair, but the building owner didn’t want to pay for it. _I need to get out of here as soon as this lease is up,_ I thought, then recalled that I still had two months to go.

Complaints aside, I had to brave the chilled air at some point. At least if I did it quickly, I could be under a spray of hot water within the minute.

I sighed into my comfortable cocoon of blankets, and decided that I needed to make a run for it. The mental countdown began; _five, four, three- Oh, fuck it._

I threw off the covers and quickly maneuvered into the bathroom. The tile was not pleasant under my bare feet, but soon enough the steaming water was on and I regained feeling in the tips of my fingers. I was going to face just as much trouble getting out after, however.

* * *

“Holy shit, it’s freezing in here!” I heard from the bedroom ten minutes later. “I will personally buy you a heater if this thing isn’t fixed. Goddamn, Christa” Ymir continued to exclaim.

“Blame the landlord” I shouted back, in the process of rinsing conditioner out of my hair.

“I will” she replied, voice sounding closer than before. I heard her footsteps on the tile as she entered the bathroom. Swiftly following, the shower curtain was pulled back.

Wiping the water from my eyes, I set her with a deadpan expression. “You have absolutely no sense of privacy.”

“Correct” she agreed, and promptly stepped in.

“Need I remind you how small this space is?” I questioned grumpily, stepping away.

“I’m well aware” Ymir answered simply. “God, it’s so cold” she whined again, pulling my back against her chest as we stood under the steady stream.

“Okay, you can shut up or fix the issue yourself” I instructed shrewdly.

“Here’s a better idea” she said brightly, making no attempt to begin cleaning herself. “We spend the day at my place, because everything actually functions correctly there.”

“Does that mean I have to wear real clothes today?” I grumbled.

“Nah. Sweats are fine. I really doubt the cat will mind your attire.”

“Oh, right. I get to meet your demon cat” I responded blandly.

She laughed dryly. Ymir had a cat named Levi. He was in no way large from the pictures she’d shown, and if it wasn’t for his thick hair, he’d probably look considerably small for a cat of his breed. Despite his size, he apparently considered himself quite the alpha male, showing distaste and aggression toward all of Ymir’s guests. In fact, the first time the woman met the cat at the shelter, he bit her. She said she admired the bastard’s guts, and they’d gained a mutual respect over the past four years.

“Hey, we’re simply at that point in our relationship. Everyone knows that after three weeks you meet the pets” she tried to joke.

“Three weeks?” I echoed rather than responding. “It feels like it’s been longer.”

“Maybe because we’ve known each other for so much longer?” She suggested, hands finding their way to my thighs. She leaned into the crook of my neck, and I felt her lips on my damp skin only a moment later. She seemed to have lost interest in the conversation altogether.

“You get distracted so easily” I whispered, not exactly invested either. She hummed rather than utter any other words, and I noticed one hand moving lower. “You’re insufferable” I muttered, turning around and pulling her body flush against mine once again.

Now, there are many issues when dating, or quite frankly, sleeping with a significantly taller individual. Firstly, it hurts both our necks with all the leaning involved with kissing. Secondly, we don’t exactly line up right, leaving me in a cushion of breasts quite often. I can’t say I mind it all that much. I think the most annoying part though, is how Ymir makes up for it. I constantly find myself seated on a countertop, backed against a wall, or seated in her lap. Or, in this instance, pushed up against the wall of the shower, my legs wrapped around her waist. Damn, she worked fast.

“Where do you get this stamina?” I asked between fervent lip-locks. “You’re practically middle aged” I teased breathlessly. I squeaked when she bit my lip in response.

“C’mon” she muttered from an inch away, “You act like I should be knee-deep in a midlife crisis.”

“I thought _I_ was your midlife crisis” I mumbled, eyes closed and breathing ragged. I immediately felt the pause in her movements, and although I couldn’t see her expression, I figured my statement must have confused her.

“What is that supposed to mean?” She asked a bit roughly.

I slowly exhaled, then eventually opened my eyes. “I thought it was obvious. You have a real, steady job. A college degree that you’ve actually put to use. A home in the decent part of town. A fantastic car.” I stopped and glanced away, even more embarrassed over my own situation when listing off the successes of her life. “You dated a lead editor for a major news network, for fuck’s sake. And I’m your barista. How am I not a careless rebound?”

She was blatantly speechless for at least a minute later, grasping for a response, expression nothing short of troubled. “I didn’t realize you saw it like that.”

The room was swiftly steaming up, past complaints of low temperatures already forgotten. My arms were still thrown across her shoulders, back against the wall. She held me securely as she thought, and I felt a little bad about the solemn look marring her beautiful face.

“I’m sorry” I whispered, kissing lightly along her jawbone. “I shouldn’t have brought up all my stupid doubts.” But she wasn’t responding to my apologetic actions, body stiff and rigid.

“No” she clearly enunciated. “Don’t be sorry over that. You should’ve said something sooner. Honestly, Christa” she muttered the last part to herself. “Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself? You work hard; I’ve seen it firsthand. And I know you wouldn’t have survived living on your own for so long if you weren’t strong.”

I pursed my lips, not entirely sure I was worth the praise. “I couldn’t even manage to graduate high school, Ymir. Why do you act so impressed?”

“Are you kidding me?” She questioned, louder than her previous tone. “You put your mental health and wellbeing over the expectations of everyone else. You said it yourself, your family was making you miserable. I didn’t have the guts to come out until I was a freshman in college. Meanwhile, you didn’t deny your sexuality. I… How could I not admire that?”

I chewed my bottom lip, finally meeting her honey eyes again, wanting to bask in that gentle glow.

“And yeah, you’re completely different from the girls I’ve dated before. But different isn’t a bad thing. You being in my life has been a change for the better. I don’t intend for this to be some sort of fling, sweetheart” she concluded firmly, holding tightly to my thighs, reminding me how secure I was in her embrace.

“Dammit” I said in a hoarse voice, feeling tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. “You didn’t have to say all those nice things.” My voice cracked at the end, and I reacted with a short laugh. I sighed briefly, and rested my forehead against hers. “Thank you, though.”

* * *

_Is this how married couples feel?_ I wondered as I braided my hair in front of the mirror, while Ymir combed her short hair back. A truly domestic scene. _Well, married couples don’t have sex three times within a span of twelve hours so… No, I suppose not._

When I finished, I reached up to run a hand through the strands in the back, her hair only reaching the nape of her neck, while it was a bit longer on top. Ymir had gotten it cut just a few days ago, and I quite enjoyed the feel of it. Although she wasn’t happy when I continuously messed it up, evident by her current frown.

“It takes work to look this hot, Christa” she reprimanded, attempting to fix whatever mistake I apparently caused.

“Chill. It’s not like we’re going out anywhere. Staying home. That was the plan. Right?” I prompted, settling a firm and steady gaze upon her. At her lack of a reply, I furrowed my brow. “I swear, Ymir, you better not pull anything. I’ve told you how much I hate surprises.”

“Yeah, alright, no surprises” she conceded, rolling her eyes at my dedication.

“Good” I stated, quite satisfied.

Her hair was “fixed” in a manner of seconds, and when I playfully reached up to touch it again, she whipped around and grabbed my wrist. Ymir’s hold was firm and unmoving, just like her narrowed gaze.

“Nice try, you charming little shit” she muttered mere inches away from my face.

“Oh, come on. Everyone knows that messy is sexy” I replied in an equally quiet tone. She denied it with a shake of her head, but at that point I didn’t care enough to push it further. Instead, I smirked. Then crossing the remaining distance, I kissed her slowly.

I’ve been told that I don’t keep women around. Relationships and I simply don’t mix. But after what I’d already experienced these past few weeks… Well, I think I could learn otherwise.

* * *

First off, Ymir’s home was huge. It wasn’t a house, because clearly she didn’t need one. But even this was unnecessarily large. It was an apartment, yet a nice one with working features, two bedrooms, and _two bathrooms._ She didn’t even have a roommate.

It was in the fancy part of town too, just a few miles away from the gated communities. There was a freaking parking garage instead of a simple lot. In my opinion, the woman was living large.

The space itself was flooded with light, the walls lined with large windows and painted in light tones. Her furniture looked new too, like it wasn’t a third-generation hand-me-down. Just being in the presence of it all felt… Strange. I don’t want to say _wrong_ , but quite clearly I didn’t fit in with the rest of my surroundings.

“Holy shit, you have a fireplace!” I exclaimed, rushing over to examine the brick fixture. I heard her toss her car keys onto the nearby kitchen counter.

 “Yeah. Doesn’t get used often, though” she said, peering around a corner for something in particular.

“We should totally turn it on tonight. So aesthetic” I went on, laughing at my own comment. Then there a was a very loud hiss from behind me, and my skin erupted into goosebumps.

I whipped around to stare wide-eyed at the fluffy cat below me. His fur bristled, ears laid flat against his wide head. “There he is” Ymir said blandly, walking over. So _that_ ’s what she’d been searching for.

Once she’d reached our standoff, the brunette grabbed the menacing feline by the scruff of his neck. She lifted him over to the sofa, a safer distance away from me. “He probably won’t bite you, but I’d still suggest practicing a decent amount of caution. He’ll get bored and sulk off eventually.”

“Good to know” I responded, still positioned in a stiff defensive position.

And she was right. Levi left us alone after only five minutes, probably leaving to nap in a dark corner or whatnot. Once I had settled in as well, Ymir suggested we go out and do something “simple.”

“We could go ice skating” she prompted. I declined. “Check out that new museum?” She tried again. No again.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do things with her, but I’ve really never been one for group outings in general. I like to blend in with crowds, a perk of being short, and do my own thing. Therefore, worrying about accommodating another person was simply too much for what was supposed to be a vacation day.

She accepted my reluctance soon enough, however, and we decided to spend the afternoon playing card games. Ymir turned on Christmas music that played at a mellow volume in the background. We sat on the floor on opposite sides of her coffee table; I kept a blanket on my lap.

The atmosphere was very easygoing, and it was honestly the most pleasant holiday I’d experienced in a long time. The house was a comfortable temperature, there weren’t any whining siblings just around the corner. Best of all, absolutely no judgmental relatives.

While _Rudolf the_ _Red-Nosed Reindeer_ played for the third time that day, Ymir beat me at our fifth round of double solitaire. “You’re too slow” she commented lightly, beginning to shuffle her deck again.

“Sorry I take time to observe all my options” I replied back in a haughty tone.

“I’m not sure that’s your biggest flaw here.”

“Don’t patronize me” I said, trying to keep a straight face and seem somewhat intimidating. I’d suggested something straight-forward like Phase Ten, but she just had to choose the quick-paced game.

Ymir rolled her eyes in amusement, then got up to refill her tea mug. She held out her hand for my empty cup too. I handed it up to her gratefully. As she moved to the kitchen, I stood as well, walking toward the nearest window.

“It’s been snowing for hours now” I stated, fixated on the heavy snowfall. The skyline was white, and all the roads were covered in powder. I felt like I was in a snow-globe, surrounded by dancing flakes. On a distant building, red and green lights flickered on and off. “What a strange sight” I muttered to myself.

“The whiteout makes you feel pretty isolated from the rest of the world, huh?” Ymir said behind me. She’d left the kettle to boil. I nodded, and wiped away the fog that had accumulated on the glass.

* * *

The power went out at six-thirty, an hour after the sun had set and the chill began creeping through the window panes. The music cut off abruptly, then the lights a split second later. The apartment was suddenly very dark, and very quiet.

“Oh shit” I immediately said, rushing back to the window. “It really is a blizzard.”

Ymir followed, though at a slower pace. “It almost looks scary without any lights on out there” I added, face close to the pane. “Looks like I’m stuck here all night” I then said with a casual shrug. “There’s no driving through all that.”

“Great. Slumber party” Ymir commented dryly. I offered her a laugh, until realizing what a power outage actually meant. The heater currently wouldn’t be able to function, and if this lasted for hours, who knows how quickly the temperature could drop.

“Your fireplace is in working condition, right?” I asked, hopeful.

“Yeah, I think so” she answered, quickly catching on. She took the initiative in figuring out how to light it. There were a few failed attempts before she made progress, but in the end we still got the fire working.

I quickly fetched the blanket I’d been using all day, and flopped onto the couch rather than returning to the hardwood floor. I awaited Ymir’s presence, figuring she would join me. “Ymir?” I asked after a short while, sitting up to look around the space. “Where’d you go?”

“Over here” she called back, exiting her bedroom with a bag in hand. She did end up on the couch with me, tugging the blanket over to cover her legs. As I was leaning against the side arm rest, I laid my legs over her. So we could both be better covered by the blanket, _clearly_. There definitely were no ulterior motives.

“What’s that?” I questioned, resting my cheek against the back cushion and eyeing the bag suspiciously.

“Your present” she replied simply.

“Why?” I asked blankly, not quite registering that yes, girlfriends do buy each other things for holidays. To be fair, I’d already spent plenty of Christmases away from my family, so I no longer automatically expected gifts.

“Why?” She echoed. “That’s kind of the marketing premise of the holiday, babe” she answered slowly.

“No… S-shit” I stammered out, “But I didn’t buy anything for you. I figured we’d have sex and call it good.” She raised an inquiring brow, and a more elaborate idea popped into my head. “Okay, here’s an even better plan. Sex, _plus_ a somewhat gift. I’ll custom-make all of your orders for a week as soon as I start work again.” I sat back, feeling quite satisfied with my new plan.

 “Finally” she said, actually sounding happy over that idea. “You never let me add anything.”

“There’s a detailed menu for a reason” I explained for probably the dozenth time. She snorted in bland amusement.

“Anyway” she then resumed, shaking her head slightly. “I have two gifts. One,” she reached into her pocket. “A key to my apartment.” She dangled the small item in front of me, and I cautiously reached out to hold it.

“You don’t have to think of it as something big or serious. Just… If your heater’s out on a cold day or whatever, you can hang out here, even if I’m not home.”

My chest felt oddly warm as a foreign sense of belonging welled up inside. Before I could get too emotional, I decided to distract us with some humor. “What if I steal your stuff?”

Ymir rolled her eyes playfully. “Christa, are you going to rob me?”

I pretended to ponder the question, then shot her a sly smile. “A good thief never reveals her master plan.”

“Great. Glad that’s been established” she responded, holding back a smile of her own. “Now if you’ll let me continue…”

She presented the gift bag. I was hesitant in accepting this one as well, but took it all the same. I peeked over the rim first. She hadn’t bothered with tissue paper. I opened it further and reached a hand in to grasp the reasonably soft gray fabric. The garment was thick, and when I unfolded it, I realized it was a wool coat.

I felt tears prick my eyes. “What’s wrong?” Ymir swiftly asked after witnessing my reaction.

“Nothing” I said in a higher octave than normal. “It’s just so _practical_ ” I enunciated, already figuring that she didn’t understand what I meant.

“Um, yeah? You’ve been talking about needing a new coat for a while now, so I figured this would be pretty reasonable-”

“It is” I cut her off, voice wavering a bit. I tried to blink the blurriness from my eyes, and chuckled a little at my overreaction. God, it was such a nice garment. The fabric felt like such high quality. It was durable and still attractive and perfect and _mine_. “I really needed this, Ymir” I eventually managed to get out, evening my voice out again. “It was really thoughtful. _Thank you_.”

She appeared even more astounded than before, clearly not expecting this. “W-well, of course” she stuttered. She didn’t often stutter. “Hey” she then said gently, grabbing my hips to pull me closer. “What’s with that face? It’s not a big deal.”

I nodded, swallowing the last lump in my throat. “I didn’t…” I tried to explain, “I didn’t have very pleasant holidays when I lived with my dad. So, something like this just really means a lot.”

“Good to hear” she replied quietly, running her fingers through my hair. It’d gotten unbraided at some point during the day. I moved closer, just about sitting in her lap now, so I could kiss her. She was very accommodating toward the new position, pulling me over the rest of the way and leaving a hand on my rear.

While her fingers brushed against my neck, I nipped at her bottom lip, already growing impatient. Ymir was equally as hungry in her ministrations, and I soon had to break away for air. Then my stomach growled.

“We should probably eat something before this goes too far” I suggested meekly.

“What are we going to cook with the power still out?” She muttered against my lips, eyes still closed in hopes of saving the moment.

“Nice try, but I know you have a gas stove.”

Her hand that had been making its way up my waist halted. “Dammit” she whispered.

* * *

Within an hour, we were both fed and back on the sofa. Ymir was sprawled out, head on the arm rest, while I laid atop her chest and between her legs. Yes, the blanket was present as well.

The fire continued to blaze from nearby, shedding our relaxed bodies in an orange glow. We’d lit candles and placed them around various locations in the apartment, like the bathroom and kitchen. But our main source of light was still the fireplace.

“What were holidays like when you were a kid?” I asked, lazily stroking my fingers through her short hair. It’d been severely messed up quite a while ago, beyond salvation at this point.

“Well, my dad is native, so we don’t do the whole Thanksgiving thing” she began, watching the flickering flames. “My mom’s always been Christian though, so we had pretty legit Christmases. Like, ‘ _you better damn well remember the reason for the season, Ymir_ ’” she finished with a small laugh. I smiled, particularly enjoying how her freckles stood out against the low light.

“You never mentioned why you aren’t with them this year” I prompted. From what I’d heard, things got rocky with her mom when she came out in college. But with some coercing from her dad, and the healing effects of time, the two were able to mend their relationship for the most part. Therefore, I assumed it couldn’t have anything to do with that.

“My dad had actually been helping the Standing Rock protesters throughout most of November. He felt guilty enough for standing by for the first few months. Figured it was about time to take part.”

“Wow. That’s impressive at his age” I commented. She chuckled.

“Yeah, but it’s also kind of his thing. He’s been active in a whole lot of civil rights movements since his twenties. I’ve always been proud of that.”

“I can understand why” I said softly, getting the sudden urge to kiss her cheek. So I did.

She gave me a content glance, then continued. “My mom’s sister actually lives in North Dakota, so that’s where she stayed for a little while. She was there for Thanksgiving too. Probably the first time in a couple of decades that she’s truly celebrated it. She was still supporting Dad and the protesters from the sidelines though, I suppose.”

“That’s more than most people do.”

“True. The reason they’re not around this year, to get to the point, is because they’re in Hawaii. They needed a getaway from… Everything. It’s been such a shitty year, so I get it.”

“We’ll make sure next year is better” I said quietly, still grasping onto hope for the political world. People like us, the ones who really needed change, wouldn’t quit so easily.

She hummed in agreement, and closed her eyes. “Falling asleep on me, Ymir?”

“Course not” she mumbled.

“Well, after this snow lets up, I’m going to Walmart to buy a gingerbread house set.”

“You can’t drive” she corrected sleepily.

“Exactly. I’ll need a chauffeur.”

“Mhm. How about tomorrow? We’ll buy all the on-sale holiday candies too, then spend the day feasting like kids.”

“I thought you were going to say queens.”

“What queen eats primarily cookies and candy?”

“…An eight-year-old queen” I admitted in defeat. “And that’s fine, as long as you uphold that promise.”

“Naturally.” I blinked languidly down at her relaxed form, chest rising and falling in a slow rhythm. Overcome with a sudden sense of adoration, I gently kissed the corner of her mouth, and laid down atop her chest. The gingerbread could wait.

* * *

Ymir and I had been napping in the fire glow when the power came back on just after eight. The radio resumed playing, pleasant Christmas tunes filling the atmosphere once again. The unexpected sound woke me from my light sleep, and I was slightly surprised to see a few lights back on in the apartment.

Sitting up, I slipped off the couch and walked to the window. The snow had let up, leaving only scattered flakes to drift in the evening wind. The streetlamps were lit, setting the untouched snow-scape aglow. And those red and green blinking lights were back on, a festive reminder in the distance.

I heard Ymir rousing too, pulling back the blanket and taking her time with getting up. She stretched for a few moments, releasing a yawn while she was at it. Soon enough, her arms found my waist, wrapping around like a secure vice. “It’s a lot less eerie now” I observed, trying to capture this image in my memory.

“Looks cold” she added. The glass was fogging up again. Cold, indeed.

“Maybe we should go warm up” I suggested, sneaking a glance up at her.

“Oh?” She replied innocently, raising her brows the slightest.

“Your apartment is nearly as cold as mine” I said, volume dropping.

“Then on behalf of my home,” she whispered, “My apologies.”

I cracked a smile, and grabbed her hand. Taking a few steps back, I began leading her away from the window. With a subtle quirk of her lips, she followed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed this work, feel free to let me know. You can also give this one a kudo, if you feel inclined.


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